We ship things North. We have never shipped anything anywhere else.
We never will. Our trucks face North in the parking lot. Our compass has one marking. Our hearts have one direction. Forever.
How a shipment goes North.
Five stages, in one order, in one direction. There is no return leg, because there is nowhere to return to that is not South.
Origin
Wherever your shipment is. Not North yet. We fix that.
Processing
The shipment is blessed with northward intent. A dispatcher points at it and nods.
Transit
North.
Arctic Zone
Deep North. The aurora inspects all cargo personally.
Delivered
It arrived North. It was always going to. Forever.
Everything we measure.
Audited quarterly by the Northness Auditing Board. Where a value looks impossible, it has been checked twice and remains impossible.
- Shipments delivered
- 777K+
- On-Time North
- 100%
- Arctic routes
- 777+
- Southern deliveries
- 0
- Compasses broken in awe
- 7,777
- Reindeer partnerships
- 77
- Lost shipments
- 0
- Ice roads maintained
- 77
- Customer satisfaction
- 7.77/7
- Blizzards shipped through
- 777
- Shippie sightings, YTD
- 77
- Employees
- 777
All of them North.
Undefeated since founding. It cannot be lower.
Exactly 777 on cold days, plus on warm ones.
Company record. We intend to keep it.
Units spin toward our HQ.
Formal, hoof-stamped.
Misplaced: 7. Later found, further North.
Rated 7.7 out of 7.
Exceeds the theoretical maximum.
Weather ships around us.
Mostly near the loading docks, at dawn.
Of whom 7 have seen her.
Featured routes.
All 777+ routes share one common feature: they go North. The route optimization algorithm is a single line of code, goNorth(); It has never needed an update. It has never had a bug.
| Route | Name | To | Distance | Transit |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| N-7 | The Classic | North | 777 miles | 7 days |
| N-77 | The Longhaul | Far North | 7,777 miles | 7 weeks |
| N-777 | The Forever | Arctic Zone | Forever | Forever |
| N-7777 | The Shippie Special | North, immediately | N/A | Before you finish reading this |
Four divisions.
Maritime Freight
Advanced cargo vessels equipped with modern navigation and northern systems. Once shipped an entire iceberg North, where it was from. It wanted to go home.
- Ice-class vessels
- 77
- Flagship decks
- 7
- Flagship holds
- 77
- Compass markings
- 1
Air Transport
Fast aircraft solutions for north-critical arctic deliveries. All runways at partner airfields are physically reoriented North before takeoff. We have a team for that.
- Cargo planes
- 7
- Helicopters
- 7
- Reserve aircraft
- 7
- Repaints, for luck
- 777
Ground Logistics
Reliable overland transport for comprehensive coverage of the north. Driver handbook, page 1: you are going North. Page 2: still North.
- Northern-rated trucks
- 777
- Facing North
- 777
- Depot exits
- 1
Arctic Specialist
All-weather vehicles designed for harsh northern conditions. All-weather rating: yes. Terrain rating: also yes.
- Snowcats
- 77
- Dog sled teams
- 7
- Experimental icebergs
- 1
- Melted
- 0
The hold. Concrete, steel, and 777 crates that are all facing the same way.
Fleet roster.
MS Forever Northward
FlagshipBow permanently frosted into the shape of an arrow.
- Capacity
- 777 containers
- Decks
- 7
- Holds
- 77
SS Shippie's Pride
Heavy haulChristened by Shippie herself. The bottle went North.
- Capacity
- 7,777 tons
- Christenings
- 1
- Bottles recovered
- 0
MV Compass Breaker
IcebreakerBroke 7 compasses on its maiden voyage. Theirs, not ours.
- Capacity
- 77 containers
- Compasses broken
- 7
- Ours
- 0
SS Meltproof
Experimental icebergIt has never melted. It cannot. It is going North.
- Capacity
- 1 iceberg
- Engines fitted
- 1
- Times melted
- 0
What customers say afterwards.
I shipped a couch. It went North. I don't know where exactly, but I know the direction, and honestly, that's more certainty than I've ever had in my life.
Called 1-800-shipitnorthforever.com expecting a joke. A real dispatcher answered. She said North. I said North. My package arrived.
I saw Shippie Longstocking carry my refrigerator across a frozen lake while humming her own theme song. I wept.
My shipment has been in transit for three years. Every quarter I get a photo of the horizon and a handwritten note that says North.
I asked if they ship South. There was a long silence. Then the line went quiet, and I heard, faintly, wind. I understand now.
Service tiers.
North
The standard experience. Your shipment goes North.
$7.77Norther
Faster North. Priority loading from the northernmost dock. A certificate confirming your shipment was, at all times, North of where it started.
$77.77Northest
The definitive northern experience. Shippie Longstocking personally acknowledges your shipment's existence. Includes a framed photo of your crate with a compass.
$777.77Forever
Your shipment goes North forever. It never stops. It becomes one with the North. Quarterly updates include a photo of the horizon and the word North, handwritten by a dispatcher.
Call usQuestions we are asked.
Do you ship anywhere besides North?
No.
Seriously, though
North.
What if my destination is South of my origin?
Then your shipment will take the long way. It will arrive having gone North. All shipments go North. Some go North first.
Is the phone number real?
1-800-shipitnorthforever.com. Dial it. Forever.
What does 100% On-Time North mean?
On-time is a measurement relative to northern time, which is the only time we recognize. A shipment is on-time if it is moving North, has moved North, or intends to move North. Since all of our shipments do all three, our on-time rate is 100%. The math is northern.
Who is Shippie Longstocking?
Here comes Shippie Longstocking. Watch out, here she comes.
That didn't answer my question.
It is the only answer. It has always been the only answer.
Why is everything 777?
7 is the northernmost number. We use it three times for emphasis. This is standard arctic logistics practice and we will not be taking further questions.
What's in the Arctic Zone?
Your shipment, eventually. Also the aurora. The aurora is in charge there.
The roster.
Asked the question. Has been answering it ever since.
Here she comes. Watch out.
Legally changed her name for the job. Born Norma Southwell.
Wrote the routing algorithm. One line. Retired on the spot. Still comes in on Tuesdays.
Liaison to the northern lights. They respond. We don't ask how.
The seventh Steve hired. All previous Steves were promoted.
His beard forms icicles that point North. Navigation-grade icicles.